Co-star Dreams

So my friend Kerry just got cast in this new Fox show Enlisted as a co-star on an episode. She has three lines, and in case you're not an actor and so you don't know how big of a deal that is, that is a big deal.

I have never had a line on a TV show ever. Now that I'm in SAG, I have the opportunity more available to me. However, I need to get an agent so I can actually get TV show auditions, and at this point, I am still looking for one of those.

But anyways the part is perfect for her. Basically one of the main guys comes up to her in a bar and is being sort of skeezy, and she sort of blows him off. She had to do a video audition for it because she's been living in New York, but she has some connections in LA still, so she was able to find out about it, and then she sent the video in and she booked it.

So easy right? Who couldn't make it in LA, really. Um.. let me answer that for you: most of us.

Most of us aspiring actors are having a hard time making it, including my friend Kerry for the past few years, but lately she's been getting more auditions and actually booking some things, which has been really encouraging to me.

I had lunch with her the day before the shoot, and she showed me the video audition she had made. It was good, but I was like, Dude, I can make video auditions like this. I have made video auditions like this. I could be booking stuff just like Kerry booked this, you know?

It sort of made me feel the realness of the possibility. And then I read lines with her so she could show me how she was going to do it, and it was so fun! I'm like, I love this, and I could totally be on a TV show. This is not super hard.

Like, yeah, if you're the lead role in some intense, indie drama (see: Short Term 12), it might take some preparation and hard work. But to do a few lines on a TV show? The main thing that makes that job hard is that you get so caught up in your head because you've been waiting sooooooo long for this chance, and it pays a decent amount of money, and you're going to be around people that make their livings off acting (real actors!), and this could be the role that catapults you into other roles, and omigosh you're so excited blah blah blah. But then what happens? You get so nervous you don't sleep at all the night before and then you flub all your lines and that is that. Your career is over.

Well, thankfully, that did not happen to my friend Kerry. She said it went really well, and it sounded like she had fun, (except for the long hours of waiting in the trailer beforehand, which she said was kind of lonely). The trailer! She got to wait in a trailer pretty much by herself. That is so cool.

I mean, when you do extras work (which is what I'm most familiar with in the professional TV world), you have to wait in a big, boring room with a bajillion other extras, so it's not lonely, but it can be aspiring-actor-overload, and it is still boring.

Okay well just wanted to say "YAY" to my friend Kerry, and "YAY" that it's true that people can get lines on TV shows, and "YAY" to hopefully that one day being me.

How do we compete Biblically?

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others" (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV).

How do you do this when you're pursuing acting? Obviously if you're at an audition, you're going to try your best, but what if you're actually in the audition room with the people that are auditioning for the same part as you, and you get to watch them?

What are you thinking that whole time? "Lord, please help them to do their best so they might get this job if it be your will."

That's what I wish I was thinking, but it was more like, "Okay, what are they doing up there and what can I do to be better than them?"

Why do I want to be better than them? Well.. I want the part.

Why do I want the part? Well.. I need the money. I could use the acting practice. The experience could help me meet more people, put my talent in front of more people, help my acting career move forward a little so I can eventually make a living off this thing I supposedly do.

Me, me, me, me, me.

Selfish ambition, anyone? It's funny because being "ambitious" is seen as a pretty good thing in our world, even in the Christian world, working hard to get better and move forward, what's wrong with that? But put the word "selfish" in front of "ambition," and people are like, "Oh yeah, that's wrong."

But what ambition isn't selfish? What does ambition even mean?

ambition. "a strong desire to do or achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work" (source: Google).

Okay so I guess ambition in itself isn't a bad thing. It's more about your heart behind it. Is it selfish, or is there a greater reason you're wanting to work hard and achieve something?

My deep, spiritual reason for why I want to get better at acting is because I want to be a light in Hollywood and bring Jesus to actors and film people, and also I want to learn from good writers and directors so I can eventually produce my own stuff that is a light and brings Jesus to actors and film people (and regular people).

But what if God wants me to be a light and bring Jesus to people that aren't making it right now? What if that's the season I'm in, with all the other people waiting and trying and failing, and I need to be patient and wait on God's timing for everything and be happy for people whose "timing" happens to be before mine?

I don't think God wants me to fail at anything. But I think if I'm doing my best and honoring Him in what I do, that is a success.

I don't think I succeeded today, but it's not because I didn't get the part. It's because I wanted other people to not be good. I was happy when the one guy didn't have much expression, and I was looking for ways to particularly be better than the girls I was up against, instead of just hoping the director would get the people he was looking for to fulfill his vision.

This morning before my audition ironically, after I did my Bible reading for the day, I prayed for God to teach me about purity and repentance. Well, I am now more aware of my impure heart and am repenting of my selfish ambition. I pray that God would teach me how to navigate this crazy acting world while first being a servant of Him.

Sort of an audition?

I have an "interview" tomorrow to be a featured extra on Dog with a Blog.

(Just thought you'd like to know how exciting my life is right now.)

(I am actually really excited about this.)

(Just shows how not-exciting my life normally is.)

Bah! Now I'm going to go watch an episode. I actually think this show is sort of funny.