So at acting class last week, this guy had to do a monologue, and Cress (the teacher) asked him if he wanted anyone to be the person he was talking to, like for a focal point or whatever. He needed a girl, and there were a few of us, and I sort of gestured with my head that I could do it, so the guy was like, "You want to do it?" And I'm like, "Yeah, sure."
So I moved to a seat more in the center-front, and I said, "Do you need me to be any certain way?"
Cress interrupted the guy's potential answer with, "Just receive. Just receive it."
That was my first God-moment because I feel like that's something God's been telling me in my life lately, to stop trying so hard to be a certain way and "just receive," just receive his blessings and embrace this life he's given me, you know?
Then after the guy did his monologue, Cress reminded him that even though he's not saying it in the monologue, the whole time he's talking to me, what he really wants to be doing is telling me he loves me, but he keeps not saying it.
And there's this part in the monologue where he's talking about how he wants to experience the extremes in life, the things that are the most beautiful and the most ugly, and he's going off on those ideas but Cress is like, "When you're talking about things that are 'the most beautiful,' it's her," and he points to me, "she is the most beautiful." And he kept saying it, "She is the most beautiful."
It was really cool because even though it's just acting, and I wasn't even really acting, I was just being the "receiver," I had not too long before that been called in to audition for a role that was supposed to be an "ugly" girl. And even though they assured me at the audition that they didn't actually think I was ugly and that they would be using make up to "accentuate my homeliness," I did start to get a little depressed because it was the only audition I'd gotten in a while, and it was for an ugly part.
I started to think I was ugly, and also I haven't had a guy like me in a long time. I haven't had a boyfriend in forever, and it's been a while since I've been on a date. And yeah it's true I haven't been pursuing or really wanting those things in a while either, but still, you can get sort of caught up in the world's expectations and how you're not meeting them, and it can start to affect you.
So that day last week in the monologue scene, even though it wasn't real, I felt pretty encouraged. I felt like God was saying to me, "This is the truth, Tracy. This is how I feel about you. You are the most beautiful. Just receive it."
