Acting Scared / Sad / Surprised

Two of the main girls I babysit right now love acting / storytelling / any kind of performing really. And the younger one (8), when she learned more about my pursuit of acting, decided one day that I should "practice," and this is what she did:

We're sitting in my car waiting for her older sister (12) to get out of play practice and she's like, "Okay Tracy, act scared." [I do a scared face.] "Act sad." [I do a sad face.] "Act surprised." [I do a surprised face.]

She thinks this is so funny / awesome, and she and her sister both started doing it to me yesterday, and every time I did whatever thing they told me, they'd be like, "Whoa, that's good." HA ha ha. I like acting with them because it reminds me not to take it so seriously. Like in acting class we're always trying to figure out our thoughts behind the line and how to really get into character in a real way so we're not "acting" but just "being" or whatever; but with the girls, I just put on a surprised face or a scared face, and they think it's so great! So I'm like, Why am I trying sooooo hard in acting to "become" something I'm not when really all I have to do is just pretend it / put on a face, and wow, hey guess what, that works!

Rejection

I used to think I was really good at rejection but I think what's happened is there's just so much rejection in the acting world and there's pretty much nothing you can do to control it, so when I get rejected in other ways where I still have control (or so it seems), I can't let it go and I try to do everything in my power to come out as the winner. 

Rejection may not ever be easy to accept and I'm not saying we shouldn't go after things we want, but I think what I need to learn is to give God control, complete control, even if it's not what I think I want. It's about trusting Him, knowing He knows what's best and is no less good to us because He's not giving us what we supposedly want.

Acting Advise from Mindy Kaling and Friends

So I recently went to this screening / conversations event at SAG with Mindy Kaling and some of her cast members from The Mindy Project. I don't watch the show all the time, but I do think it's super funny, and I really like Mindy Kaling, especially on The Office but also on Mindy, and also she works really hard to create pretty awesome stuff, so I respect her and wanted to be inspired by her, so I went to this.

I think my favorite dialogue between the actors was after we listened to the interviewer ask questions about the show's romantic drama for FOREVER (see: way too long), someone in the audience was asking for practical advise for how to get on a TV show, and Mindy goes, "That's really why we're all here right? That's why we're sitting here in the basement of the SAG building."

It is sort of a homely room they use for these events so I got what she was saying but I was like (in my head), The basement? Then one of the guys from Mindy Project goes, "I think I took an elevator to get here," and she's like, "Oh yeah, that's right." HA ha ha. That just made me laugh so hard for some reason.

But anyways, so they were giving practical advise about acting in general, and now I'd like to share that with you:

• Get on stage however you can. Just BE acting all the time (and not just auditioning). One of the guys (sorry I don't know all the names of the guys from the show) was talking about how he used to do improv shows 5-6 times a week and how a lot of them were so bad it was embarrassing and he was like mad his friends were there and saw him. Ha! 
• Sometimes (with certain types of scripts) you will learn to do less and less with your acting because the lines are so funny on their own. 
• Push yourself no matter what people say. One of the guys was talking about how most of us are here trying to make it because people said we couldn't. (Yep! - well that's not why I'm here, but that's why I didn't come here for so long anyway.) Anyways he said one of the first big agencies he met with talked to him and said, "On looks alone you're not a leading man." And he was like, "Fuck that shit." 
• NEVER improvise at an audition, especially for TV. The writer is usually one of the selectors, and you should not underestimate his ego.
• You are in control of your time at your audition. Don't be indecisive or ask questions about what you should or shouldn't do. Just decide what you are going to do beforehand and then do it, take a big swing. 
• You should be completely off book at your auditions but still hold the sides.
• Do not shake hands in the casting room. (The casting people do not want to shake two million people's hands / get two million diseases.)
• Don't get caught up in people's comments about you (I supposed this applies more for AFTER you get your TV show). Mindy said when she reads bad stuff written about her she reminds herself that she is the artist. She thinks, "My job is to be the artist and be busy and cool, and their job is to... sit there and comment about it?" and it puts things in perspective.

[Oh, sidenote funny store from the one non-Mindy girl on stage - Beth Grant - She said she once read this comment from this guy who said something like, "I HATE BETH GRANT. I hated her in this movie, I hated her in that movie, I hated her on that TV show, I hated her in this movie," and he listed all these things he hated her in, and she said at first she felt really hurt because it was "pretty violent," but then she thought, "Actually I think this is my biggest fan. He's seen EVERY single thing I've been in!" ha ha ha, and then one of the Mindy guys goes, "And then, they got married," and then he was like, "I'm kidding!" 

• When you're working as an ensemble cast, don't just download information to each other, really listen and react. And trust one another. Be of service to the story, and have fun!

Mindy also talked about her journey from being a small-time role on The Office to creating and starring in her own show today. She said most the time she'd have like two lines on The Office but have to be on set / waiting from 6am-7pm. (DUDE that's almost as bad as extras work.)  She said she really likes to write her own stuff because she likes to be interesting characters: "Why play the girlfriend that just listens to the boyfriend, when you can play a big, flawed, interesting character?" She has never had a role she liked that she didn't write herself. Also when she was first starting, NOBODY believed in her. Nobody was giving her advise or sending her on auditions, so she had to create her own stuff and make it happen. She worked really hard when other people were partying (I believe it). Also, Mindy still admits she doesn't really know how you get successful in this industry. She said she was reading Amy Poehler's new book, even though she [Mindy] has her own TV show, she's still reading this book like, "Yeah how DO you make it?" 

So anyways, I appreciated hearing what these guys had to say, and that they (especially Mindy) took time out of their busy schedules to sit in "the basement of the SAG building" to tell us stuff. Thanks guys! See you on the tube..

Acting Class - 11.15.14

Acting class humbles me.

Last week I was in a weird mental place and got there super late and just sat in the back and talked to my friend Morgan and was on my phone the whole time. I was just really antsy and tired and hungry and I hadn't had a lot of acting things happening in my life and I wasn't doing anything in class that day so I was just checked out.

So today I was glad to go again and actually pay attention. But I was running super late still - for no good reason except I stayed in bed too long and was on Facebook too much. And I still had so much stuff to do before I left and I was like Ugh, I don't even want to go. Morgan's out of town, and I'm gonna walk in late again and not get a good seat and have to sit in the back and I won't be able to hear anything. Blech.

But I went anyways, and I was late (though the roads were unusually clearer than normal), and I walked in right after the "industry talk" was over and the scenes were about to start, and what happened? It was a smaller class today and like everyone acknowledged me when I came in and was happy to see me. And this one guy was like, "Please tell me you're gonna do an audition today." And then he and a few other people started off on this tangent about how funny my audition scenes are (I find audition scenes online and workshop them in class sometimes) and which ones they liked the best, and omigosh, I mean I wasn't doing an audition scene today, but that was just so encouraging. I can't believe I almost didn't come just because I was going to be late and was mad at myself about it.

And class was really fun. I got so into everything and was really paying attention and making comments and we even got done a little early so there was time to do a long prayer time. I LOVE the prayer time at the end of my acting class, especially when the teacher leads it because I don't know, he's just really good at facilitating it I guess.

So anyways. Just another daily reminder about how important community is and how we shouldn't shy away just because we're down on ourselves about something. And also I shouldn't start thinking I'm a terrible actress just because I haven't gotten any auditions in a while. I'm really thankful I have this class, and if I have to do all my acting on Saturdays for no pay in front of my friends for the rest of my life, I don't even think that would be that bad. (The class will probably not last that long though.) (And also I do want to make a living from acting, but I just want to be a little more relaxed and joyful in my pursuit instead of frustrated and impatient, which is what I have been lately.)

So there you go. Four stars for acting class. Four stars for community. Four stars for prayer. Andddd I'm out.

Starting Over (aka Thoughts from Acting Class - 11.1.14)

Two people in my acting class did a scene yesterday where they sort of forgot their lines in the middle and got stuck, and the teacher wanted them to re-start all the way back from the beginning, but they didn't really want to, they just wanted to pick it up from where they were and figure out a way to keep going and the teacher was like, "Why is it such a big deal to have to re-start?"

He like really wanted to talk about that, and it was one of those moments where I had an acting-to-life application happening in my head like, "Yeah, why is it such a big deal to have to re-start?"

I guess I've had to re-start a lot of things in my life lately -

• A little over a year ago I came back to LA after having left for a year and a half, so I had to re-start my acting journey.
• The really cool restaurant I got a job at seven months ago (that started to become sort of my life) just closed down (sort of out of the blue), and now I've had to re-start my day job search process.
• I just moved into a new apartment with people I just met a couple months ago, so I've had to re-start with living in a new place and having those new relationships.

I used to say I liked change, and I thought it was because I get bored of things easily or because I experienced a lot of change when I was younger (with parent's divorce and moving houses and schools a lot) and I guess I just thought that's what was in the cards for me, so I accepted it and embraced it, like every time something new and crazy happened that most people would be scared of, I'd be like, "Yes I love change!" 

I mean, even with the restaurant closing, I was sort of like, "Yes, this means something new and awesome is coming!" But then the weeks go by and nothing really awesome comes, and I'm doing okay because I got a couple extra babysitting jobs but I'm like missing being around people (adults) more and also now am being forced to focus on my lack of acting opportunities, and I'm like, Ugghhhhhhhhh, I hate change. 

It is seriously frustrating sometimes because it's sort of a lot of work to re-start things, and you sort of feel like all the things you were doing that you had to stop (and re-start) were like not worth it or wasted time or something, and I know nothing is wasted because "God will use everything in your life for good blah blah," but sometimes I'm like, Omigosh but am I going to be 85 and still be moving new places all the time and changing jobs and still not making it in acting, and is that okay with me? I mean I guess it'd be cool if I'm even alive at 85, and the acting competition I would imagine would drastically decrease by that point, but still, I wonder about these things. 

Also I wonder if any of this even matters: acting, career, getting settled...... I don't think it really does. So I'm trying to just be in the moment and love the people around me where I'm at and try to think about myself less I guess, but it's SO FREAKING HARD. 

Oh man, this blog was supposed to be about starting over. So anyways, let me start over. The teacher was trying to make a point that starting over could be a really good thing because if you start on the right foot, your character falls more naturally into place better through the rest of the scene - I don't know, something like that. And I guess I just hope it's true in real life too since it's sort of where I'm at right now, and I really hope I start to become more myself and that things fall more into place this time. So yeah, I guess we'll see. 

Commercial Acting

The other day I was talking to one of my friends about how even though getting a commercial agent and doing commercials first is the route most actors go, it's not really the route I'm taking. And I don't even know if I should be taking that route even if I got the opportunity because really I don't want my face on any product I don't actually want to endorse, which means I could be available for probably like ten products.

Obviously I'm being a little extreme, but I was even thinking about this in terms of submitting for extras work on commercials, like how recently I submitted for a Coke commercial but later on I'm like, Wait, I really don't think anyone should be drinking Coke. I'm not going to judge someone for drinking Coke, but I don't want to promote it or make money from it. I mean I do want to make money from it, but I recently listened to this Timothy Keller sermon about seeking righteousness instead of seeking happiness. And in it he talked about how most people pursue righteousness to the extent that it makes them happy. Like, "Honesty is a good idea, except if I need to say this one thing to get this one agent to be interested in me," or, "Purity is a good idea, except if I really like this one guy and I want him to stay with me." Those things are us seeking happiness, and in doing so, we actually never get happy. But if we pursue righteousness (i.e. serving God and obeying him above all else), he will lead us to an abundant life, more than we could ever dream.

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." 

(The Thief is our enemy by the way - Satan. You can learn more about him if you read the Bible. Or The Screwtape Letters.)

But anyways, so what's funny is like two days after I had this commercial conversation with my friend, I was babysitting this little five year old, and we had this conversation:




Her: What do you do for your job?

Me: Well, one of my jobs is to babysit you. (She laughs.) And also I want to be an actress, so that is going to be my job. Your mommy and daddy do acting.

Her: What have they acted in?

Me: Well, they've been in some commercials.

Her: My daddy hates commercials, so why would he act in commercials?




From the mouth of babes.......

The New Nurse

I got called by a student producer at USC yesterday to see if I could very-last-minute play a part in her short film today because she lost one of her actresses (?) and I guess she remembered my audition for another one of her films back in October and thought I could do the part well.

So of course I did it, and the part I was going to play was the nurse. I was really excited about playing the nurse because I'd never played a nurse in a movie before, and when I got there they had brand new scrubs for me that looked really cute actually. But what's funny is that after I was done changing into them in the bathroom on the first level, I headed back to the elevator to go back to the third level where they were shooting, and it just so happened one of the principal actors I'd never met before had just walked into the building.

So we walked into the elevator together, and he was cute and looking all actor-y holding his wardrobe, and he's like, "It's the third floor right?" I'm like, "Yeah." Then he notices my scrubs and is like, "Are you the new nurse?"

AHHHHHHHH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I just had to share this story because in that moment, in the elevator of that hospital, standing next to this guy with my scrubs, I really felt like I really was "the new nurse" like in an actual way, and that this cute doctor guy (he wasn't even playing a doctor, he was playing a visitor to a patient, but anyways) this cute doctor guy was asking me if I was the new nurse, and I had this vision that we were going to start talking and like really hit it off or something.

THIS IS BECAUSE I'M WATCHING TOO MUCH MINDY PROJECT. I watched a bunch of episodes on hulu and decided I liked it enough to start getting the Season 1 discs on Netflix. But yeah, she's a doctor and always has an inner monologue going on about the men around her, and she's always having cute encounters in the elevator, so yeah. That was my acting experience today that felt somewhat real for a moment, (or at least like I was on The Mindy Project.)