He like really wanted to talk about that, and it was one of those moments where I had an acting-to-life application happening in my head like, "Yeah, why is it such a big deal to have to re-start?"
I guess I've had to re-start a lot of things in my life lately -
- A little over a year ago I came back to LA after having left for a year and a half, so I had to re-start my acting journey.
- The really cool restaurant I got a job at seven months ago (that started to become sort of my life) just closed down (sort of out of the blue), and now I've had to re-start my day job search process.
- I just moved into a new apartment with people I just met a couple months ago, so I've had to re-start with living in a new place and having those new relationships.
I used to say I liked change, and I thought it was because I get bored of things easily or because I experienced a lot of change when I was younger (with parent's divorce and moving houses and schools a lot) and I guess I just thought that's what was in the cards for me, so I accepted it and embraced it, like every time something new and crazy happened that most people would be scared of, I'd be like, "Yes I love change!"
I mean, even with the restaurant closing, I was sort of like, "Yes, this means something new and awesome is coming!" But then the weeks go by and nothing really awesome comes, and I'm doing okay because I got a couple extra babysitting jobs but I'm like missing being around people (adults) more and also now am being forced to focus on my lack of acting opportunities, and I'm like, Ugghhhhhhhhh, I hate change.
It is seriously frustrating sometimes because it's sort of a lot of work to re-start things, and you sort of feel like all the things you were doing that you had to stop (and re-start) were like not worth it or wasted time or something, and I know nothing is wasted because "God will use everything in your life for good blah blah," but sometimes I'm like, Omigosh but am I going to be 85 and still be moving new places all the time and changing jobs and still not making it in acting, and is that okay with me? I mean I guess it'd be cool if I'm even alive at 85, and the acting competition I would imagine would drastically decrease by that point, but still, I wonder about these things.
Also I wonder if any of this even matters: acting, career, getting settled...... I don't think it really does. So I'm trying to just be in the moment and love the people around me where I'm at and try to think about myself less I guess, but it's SO FREAKING HARD.
Oh man, this blog was supposed to be about starting over. So anyways, let me start over. The teacher was trying to make a point that starting over could be a really good thing because if you start on the right foot, your character falls more naturally into place better through the rest of the scene - I don't know, something like that. And I guess I just hope it's true in real life too since it's sort of where I'm at right now, and I really hope I start to become more myself and that things fall more into place this time. So yeah, I guess we'll see.
