Acting Class - 11.15.14

Acting class humbles me.

Last week I was in a weird mental place and got there super late and just sat in the back and talked to my friend Morgan and was on my phone the whole time. I was just really antsy and tired and hungry and I hadn't had a lot of acting things happening in my life and I wasn't doing anything in class that day so I was just checked out.

So today I was glad to go again and actually pay attention. But I was running super late still - for no good reason except I stayed in bed too long and was on Facebook too much. And I still had so much stuff to do before I left and I was like Ugh, I don't even want to go. Morgan's out of town, and I'm gonna walk in late again and not get a good seat and have to sit in the back and I won't be able to hear anything. Blech.

But I went anyways, and I was late (though the roads were unusually clearer than normal), and I walked in right after the "industry talk" was over and the scenes were about to start, and what happened? It was a smaller class today and like everyone acknowledged me when I came in and was happy to see me. And this one guy was like, "Please tell me you're gonna do an audition today." And then he and a few other people started off on this tangent about how funny my audition scenes are (I find audition scenes online and workshop them in class sometimes) and which ones they liked the best, and omigosh, I mean I wasn't doing an audition scene today, but that was just so encouraging. I can't believe I almost didn't come just because I was going to be late and was mad at myself about it.

And class was really fun. I got so into everything and was really paying attention and making comments and we even got done a little early so there was time to do a long prayer time. I LOVE the prayer time at the end of my acting class, especially when the teacher leads it because I don't know, he's just really good at facilitating it I guess.

So anyways. Just another daily reminder about how important community is and how we shouldn't shy away just because we're down on ourselves about something. And also I shouldn't start thinking I'm a terrible actress just because I haven't gotten any auditions in a while. I'm really thankful I have this class, and if I have to do all my acting on Saturdays for no pay in front of my friends for the rest of my life, I don't even think that would be that bad. (The class will probably not last that long though.) (And also I do want to make a living from acting, but I just want to be a little more relaxed and joyful in my pursuit instead of frustrated and impatient, which is what I have been lately.)

So there you go. Four stars for acting class. Four stars for community. Four stars for prayer. Andddd I'm out.

Starting Over (aka Thoughts from Acting Class - 11.1.14)

Two people in my acting class did a scene yesterday where they sort of forgot their lines in the middle and got stuck, and the teacher wanted them to re-start all the way back from the beginning, but they didn't really want to, they just wanted to pick it up from where they were and figure out a way to keep going and the teacher was like, "Why is it such a big deal to have to re-start?"

He like really wanted to talk about that, and it was one of those moments where I had an acting-to-life application happening in my head like, "Yeah, why is it such a big deal to have to re-start?"

I guess I've had to re-start a lot of things in my life lately -

• A little over a year ago I came back to LA after having left for a year and a half, so I had to re-start my acting journey.
• The really cool restaurant I got a job at seven months ago (that started to become sort of my life) just closed down (sort of out of the blue), and now I've had to re-start my day job search process.
• I just moved into a new apartment with people I just met a couple months ago, so I've had to re-start with living in a new place and having those new relationships.

I used to say I liked change, and I thought it was because I get bored of things easily or because I experienced a lot of change when I was younger (with parent's divorce and moving houses and schools a lot) and I guess I just thought that's what was in the cards for me, so I accepted it and embraced it, like every time something new and crazy happened that most people would be scared of, I'd be like, "Yes I love change!" 

I mean, even with the restaurant closing, I was sort of like, "Yes, this means something new and awesome is coming!" But then the weeks go by and nothing really awesome comes, and I'm doing okay because I got a couple extra babysitting jobs but I'm like missing being around people (adults) more and also now am being forced to focus on my lack of acting opportunities, and I'm like, Ugghhhhhhhhh, I hate change. 

It is seriously frustrating sometimes because it's sort of a lot of work to re-start things, and you sort of feel like all the things you were doing that you had to stop (and re-start) were like not worth it or wasted time or something, and I know nothing is wasted because "God will use everything in your life for good blah blah," but sometimes I'm like, Omigosh but am I going to be 85 and still be moving new places all the time and changing jobs and still not making it in acting, and is that okay with me? I mean I guess it'd be cool if I'm even alive at 85, and the acting competition I would imagine would drastically decrease by that point, but still, I wonder about these things. 

Also I wonder if any of this even matters: acting, career, getting settled...... I don't think it really does. So I'm trying to just be in the moment and love the people around me where I'm at and try to think about myself less I guess, but it's SO FREAKING HARD. 

Oh man, this blog was supposed to be about starting over. So anyways, let me start over. The teacher was trying to make a point that starting over could be a really good thing because if you start on the right foot, your character falls more naturally into place better through the rest of the scene - I don't know, something like that. And I guess I just hope it's true in real life too since it's sort of where I'm at right now, and I really hope I start to become more myself and that things fall more into place this time. So yeah, I guess we'll see.