Acting Class - 11.15.14

Acting class humbles me.

Last week I was in a weird mental place and got there super late and just sat in the back and talked to my friend Morgan and was on my phone the whole time. I was just really antsy and tired and hungry and I hadn't had a lot of acting things happening in my life and I wasn't doing anything in class that day so I was just checked out.

So today I was glad to go again and actually pay attention. But I was running super late still - for no good reason except I stayed in bed too long and was on Facebook too much. And I still had so much stuff to do before I left and I was like Ugh, I don't even want to go. Morgan's out of town, and I'm gonna walk in late again and not get a good seat and have to sit in the back and I won't be able to hear anything. Blech.

But I went anyways, and I was late (though the roads were unusually clearer than normal), and I walked in right after the "industry talk" was over and the scenes were about to start, and what happened? It was a smaller class today and like everyone acknowledged me when I came in and was happy to see me. And this one guy was like, "Please tell me you're gonna do an audition today." And then he and a few other people started off on this tangent about how funny my audition scenes are (I find audition scenes online and workshop them in class sometimes) and which ones they liked the best, and omigosh, I mean I wasn't doing an audition scene today, but that was just so encouraging. I can't believe I almost didn't come just because I was going to be late and was mad at myself about it.

And class was really fun. I got so into everything and was really paying attention and making comments and we even got done a little early so there was time to do a long prayer time. I LOVE the prayer time at the end of my acting class, especially when the teacher leads it because I don't know, he's just really good at facilitating it I guess.

So anyways. Just another daily reminder about how important community is and how we shouldn't shy away just because we're down on ourselves about something. And also I shouldn't start thinking I'm a terrible actress just because I haven't gotten any auditions in a while. I'm really thankful I have this class, and if I have to do all my acting on Saturdays for no pay in front of my friends for the rest of my life, I don't even think that would be that bad. (The class will probably not last that long though.) (And also I do want to make a living from acting, but I just want to be a little more relaxed and joyful in my pursuit instead of frustrated and impatient, which is what I have been lately.)

So there you go. Four stars for acting class. Four stars for community. Four stars for prayer. Andddd I'm out.

Starting Over (aka Thoughts from Acting Class - 11.1.14)

Two people in my acting class did a scene yesterday where they sort of forgot their lines in the middle and got stuck, and the teacher wanted them to re-start all the way back from the beginning, but they didn't really want to, they just wanted to pick it up from where they were and figure out a way to keep going and the teacher was like, "Why is it such a big deal to have to re-start?"

He like really wanted to talk about that, and it was one of those moments where I had an acting-to-life application happening in my head like, "Yeah, why is it such a big deal to have to re-start?"

I guess I've had to re-start a lot of things in my life lately -

• A little over a year ago I came back to LA after having left for a year and a half, so I had to re-start my acting journey.
• The really cool restaurant I got a job at seven months ago (that started to become sort of my life) just closed down (sort of out of the blue), and now I've had to re-start my day job search process.
• I just moved into a new apartment with people I just met a couple months ago, so I've had to re-start with living in a new place and having those new relationships.

I used to say I liked change, and I thought it was because I get bored of things easily or because I experienced a lot of change when I was younger (with parent's divorce and moving houses and schools a lot) and I guess I just thought that's what was in the cards for me, so I accepted it and embraced it, like every time something new and crazy happened that most people would be scared of, I'd be like, "Yes I love change!" 

I mean, even with the restaurant closing, I was sort of like, "Yes, this means something new and awesome is coming!" But then the weeks go by and nothing really awesome comes, and I'm doing okay because I got a couple extra babysitting jobs but I'm like missing being around people (adults) more and also now am being forced to focus on my lack of acting opportunities, and I'm like, Ugghhhhhhhhh, I hate change. 

It is seriously frustrating sometimes because it's sort of a lot of work to re-start things, and you sort of feel like all the things you were doing that you had to stop (and re-start) were like not worth it or wasted time or something, and I know nothing is wasted because "God will use everything in your life for good blah blah," but sometimes I'm like, Omigosh but am I going to be 85 and still be moving new places all the time and changing jobs and still not making it in acting, and is that okay with me? I mean I guess it'd be cool if I'm even alive at 85, and the acting competition I would imagine would drastically decrease by that point, but still, I wonder about these things. 

Also I wonder if any of this even matters: acting, career, getting settled...... I don't think it really does. So I'm trying to just be in the moment and love the people around me where I'm at and try to think about myself less I guess, but it's SO FREAKING HARD. 

Oh man, this blog was supposed to be about starting over. So anyways, let me start over. The teacher was trying to make a point that starting over could be a really good thing because if you start on the right foot, your character falls more naturally into place better through the rest of the scene - I don't know, something like that. And I guess I just hope it's true in real life too since it's sort of where I'm at right now, and I really hope I start to become more myself and that things fall more into place this time. So yeah, I guess we'll see. 

Commercial Acting

The other day I was talking to one of my friends about how even though getting a commercial agent and doing commercials first is the route most actors go, it's not really the route I'm taking. And I don't even know if I should be taking that route even if I got the opportunity because really I don't want my face on any product I don't actually want to endorse, which means I could be available for probably like ten products.

Obviously I'm being a little extreme, but I was even thinking about this in terms of submitting for extras work on commercials, like how recently I submitted for a Coke commercial but later on I'm like, Wait, I really don't think anyone should be drinking Coke. I'm not going to judge someone for drinking Coke, but I don't want to promote it or make money from it. I mean I do want to make money from it, but I recently listened to this Timothy Keller sermon about seeking righteousness instead of seeking happiness. And in it he talked about how most people pursue righteousness to the extent that it makes them happy. Like, "Honesty is a good idea, except if I need to say this one thing to get this one agent to be interested in me," or, "Purity is a good idea, except if I really like this one guy and I want him to stay with me." Those things are us seeking happiness, and in doing so, we actually never get happy. But if we pursue righteousness (i.e. serving God and obeying him above all else), he will lead us to an abundant life, more than we could ever dream.

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." 

(The Thief is our enemy by the way - Satan. You can learn more about him if you read the Bible. Or The Screwtape Letters.)

But anyways, so what's funny is like two days after I had this commercial conversation with my friend, I was babysitting this little five year old, and we had this conversation:




Her: What do you do for your job?

Me: Well, one of my jobs is to babysit you. (She laughs.) And also I want to be an actress, so that is going to be my job. Your mommy and daddy do acting.

Her: What have they acted in?

Me: Well, they've been in some commercials.

Her: My daddy hates commercials, so why would he act in commercials?




From the mouth of babes.......

The New Nurse

I got called by a student producer at USC yesterday to see if I could very-last-minute play a part in her short film today because she lost one of her actresses (?) and I guess she remembered my audition for another one of her films back in October and thought I could do the part well.

So of course I did it, and the part I was going to play was the nurse. I was really excited about playing the nurse because I'd never played a nurse in a movie before, and when I got there they had brand new scrubs for me that looked really cute actually. But what's funny is that after I was done changing into them in the bathroom on the first level, I headed back to the elevator to go back to the third level where they were shooting, and it just so happened one of the principal actors I'd never met before had just walked into the building.

So we walked into the elevator together, and he was cute and looking all actor-y holding his wardrobe, and he's like, "It's the third floor right?" I'm like, "Yeah." Then he notices my scrubs and is like, "Are you the new nurse?"

AHHHHHHHH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I just had to share this story because in that moment, in the elevator of that hospital, standing next to this guy with my scrubs, I really felt like I really was "the new nurse" like in an actual way, and that this cute doctor guy (he wasn't even playing a doctor, he was playing a visitor to a patient, but anyways) this cute doctor guy was asking me if I was the new nurse, and I had this vision that we were going to start talking and like really hit it off or something.

THIS IS BECAUSE I'M WATCHING TOO MUCH MINDY PROJECT. I watched a bunch of episodes on hulu and decided I liked it enough to start getting the Season 1 discs on Netflix. But yeah, she's a doctor and always has an inner monologue going on about the men around her, and she's always having cute encounters in the elevator, so yeah. That was my acting experience today that felt somewhat real for a moment, (or at least like I was on The Mindy Project.)

Sabbath Audition

I had a great audition today, but first let me give you the back story:

I've been trying to start taking a Sabbath during the week. (Sabbath = day of rest where you don't do any work. See Exodus 20:10.)

It doesn't necessarily have to be my "day of church" (i.e. Sunday), but every week when I plan out my schedule, it usually just so happens I already don't have paid work on Sunday, so it seems fitting to make that my day of no work.

It's confusing though as to what is and isn't work in my life. I talked with my friend Katie about this, and we seem to think anything to do with acting should be considered work for me. I think this is probably right.

However, I got an audition today, Sunday. I got it a couple days ago, after I had already planned for Sunday to be my Sabbath, so every other day was full of paid work and unpaid work, and this day was really my only available day to take a full day of rest.

I took the audition anyway though because I was like, Well, I'm trying to do student films, and student films mostly shoot on the weekend, so I really can't make Sunday my day of rest anyway because it's never going to work so I might as well take this audition. (This was not a good argument because I never said my Sabbath always had to be Sunday. It just so happened that this week it was.)

But anyways, so I took the audition, and then yesterday I felt pretty terrible about it, not just because I was disobeying God according to the conviction he gave me, but also because I worked really hard this week all week and was really tired and could really have used a day of rest. And now I had to work on these sides and plan my outfit (which included fixing / sewing a skirt) and figure out directions and food to fit the audition in around church, and it was a lot to do for my supposed day of rest.

So I almost emailed the director to tell her I couldn't do it anymore. BUT.. I remembered what I read in the Bible yesterday in Joshua, Joshua 9 specifically. Okay so the Gibeonites were people the Israelites should have defeated in order to continue their conquest of Canaan (the promised land). But the enemy disguised themselves and came to Joshua pretending to be people traveling from far away and asked him to make peace with them and let them be their servants. Joshua wasn't sure at first but then agreed. Without asking God!

(This is the part that parallels to me deciding to take the audition without asking God first.)

Joshua 9:14-15 says, "So the men took some of their provisions, but did not ask counsel from the Lord. And Joshua made peace with them and made a covenant with them, to let them live, and the leaders of the congregation swore to them."

But then Israel found out that they were their neighbors and should have been destroyed, but they didn't destroy them because they had already given them their word that they wouldn't.

Joshua 9:18-19 - "But the people of Israel did not attack them, because the leaders of the congregation had sworn to them by the Lord, the God of Israel. Then all the congregation murmured against the leaders. But all the leaders said to all the congregation, 'We have sworn to them by the Lord, the God of Israel, and now we may not touch them.'"

So maybe I shouldn't have taken an audition on the Sabbath, but because I gave this girl my word, I decided to follow through with it and just learn for next time. (I prayed about this before I decided, and that was when God reminded me of the Joshua story, so I very much felt God's blessing on this after I decided to go through with it.)

And the audition went so well! It was only three lines so I decided to memorize them (something I really need to start doing for all future auditions).

And I took my time at the beginning (something we've been learning in acting class). In the scene, my character was supposed to start out waiting at this guy's door, and then this woman, his wife, opens the door and that's when I have my first line. But at the audition I'm just saying my lines to a reader, so instead of saying my first line right away, I decided to act out just "standing at the door" for a bit, thinking about how excited I am to see this guy I'm in love with and I hope he likes my skirt, and I really need to tell him how much I love him so he can finally choose me over his wife blah blah blah, and that's when I decided she would "open the door" and I would say my line, "Oh, I didn't expect you to--"

So I do the whole scene, and at the end after the wife asks me to come in, the door is supposed to creepily close behind me, so I do this quick, scared, look-back thing and then walk a few steps forward in uncertainty.

After I did it, the director was like, "Wow. That was excellent, that was really good. I don't have any notes. Um.. I'd like to see it again, just for the sake of watching you do it again."

What a cool thing to hear!

So I did it again, pretty much the same way, and she goes, "That was great. That's exactly the way I pictured the character to be." She seemed surprised and happy and satisfied, it was really cool.

So anyways, I left the audition pretty excited. I'm glad I decided to ask God about it (the second time around). And hopefully next time I will ask Him the first time around and there will be even more blessings for doing it that way!

I am the most beautiful.

So at acting class last week, this guy had to do a monologue, and Cress (the teacher) asked him if he wanted anyone to be the person he was talking to, like for a focal point or whatever. He needed a girl, and there were a few of us, and I sort of gestured with my head that I could do it, so the guy was like, "You want to do it?" And I'm like, "Yeah, sure."

So I moved to a seat more in the center-front, and I said, "Do you need me to be any certain way?"

Cress interrupted the guy's potential answer with, "Just receive. Just receive it."

That was my first God-moment because I feel like that's something God's been telling me in my life lately, to stop trying so hard to be a certain way and "just receive," just receive his blessings and embrace this life he's given me, you know?

Then after the guy did his monologue, Cress reminded him that even though he's not saying it in the monologue, the whole time he's talking to me, what he really wants to be doing is telling me he loves me, but he keeps not saying it.

And there's this part in the monologue where he's talking about how he wants to experience the extremes in life, the things that are the most beautiful and the most ugly, and he's going off on those ideas but Cress is like, "When you're talking about things that are 'the most beautiful,' it's her," and he points to me, "she is the most beautiful." And he kept saying it, "She is the most beautiful."

It was really cool because even though it's just acting, and I wasn't even really acting, I was just being the "receiver," I had not too long before that been called in to audition for a role that was supposed to be an "ugly" girl. And even though they assured me at the audition that they didn't actually think I was ugly and that they would be using make up to "accentuate my homeliness," I did start to get a little depressed because it was the only audition I'd gotten in a while, and it was for an ugly part.

I started to think I was ugly, and also I haven't had a guy like me in a long time. I haven't had a boyfriend in forever, and it's been a while since I've been on a date. And yeah it's true I haven't been pursuing or really wanting those things in a while either, but still, you can get sort of caught up in the world's expectations and how you're not meeting them, and it can start to affect you.

So that day last week in the monologue scene, even though it wasn't real, I felt pretty encouraged. I felt like God was saying to me, "This is the truth, Tracy. This is how I feel about you. You are the most beautiful. Just receive it."

Deep Thoughts from the Hot Tub Guy

I was folding laundry at the house I babysit / organize at, when the hot tub guy motioned for me to come out, so I did.

"Do you know what happened to the hose?" he said. I didn't, but this moment led to us talking for a while, which led to him encouraging me to keep going with my acting pursuit.

He said, "I know people that started out just like you, and now I'm cleaning their hot tubs." (How a guy who cleans hot tubs for a living has the ability to encourage aspiring actresses I don't know, but he does seem to like movies a lot, especially Marvel ones and anything with Adam Sandler.) "You just have to be weird," he said, "Be yourself, and be weird."

His example story was that Adam Sandler's dad used to call him a moron when he was younger, "but look where he is today." (Being a moron.. in movies? I'm just kidding. I appreciate Adam Sandler, but I just thought the hot tub guy was funny.)